I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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