my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
