I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize