remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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