i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
