Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
