Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
