Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize