God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
