life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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