before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
