Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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