i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
