yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
