I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
