TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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