I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
