The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
