Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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