Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
