You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I came so hard my ears popped.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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