Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
