no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
