She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
