Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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