At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
