Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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