And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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