honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
