Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
