Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
