Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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