I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
