so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
