When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I use my feet as sexual weapons
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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