imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
