Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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