But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize