If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
