First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
