And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
