dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
