If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She made me pour olive oil on her.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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