I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
