I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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