I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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