besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
