I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
