alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
