meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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