You smell like a Billy Joel song
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
