Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
