Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
