I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
