this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
