for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
