I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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