Im at strip club and am horny
You can't special order awesome
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
