i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize