He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
