girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
