I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
