if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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