just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
