Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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