Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We need to rekindle our bromance
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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