Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
