just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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