All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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