Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Drunk is a universal language darling
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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