I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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