your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
