Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize