Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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