...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
