I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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