how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
