If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
