i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
