I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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